Dear Halloween Gods,
Why did you feel the need to keep EVERY SINGLE witch and superhero and Nixon from our house last night? Isn’t it enough that our children grown and gone and we’re alone every day, longing for the patter of little feet? Was there some deeper lesson you were trying to impart in making us suffer an entire night of lurid Halloween mood lighting and stinky fog without ONCE delivering a trick-or-treater? Fine! Take your candy back! It’s out by the curb!
And I’m keeping the Tootsie Pops.