Let’s Hang Out at the DMV

Today was designated DMV day, a day I’d been putting off for months because I assumed all DMVs were like the SoCal DMV where hours of waiting in line with hundreds of equally irritated people wins you an audience with a tweaked DMV employee. Needing both a new registration AND a new license, I carved out four hours and prepared to be irritated.

And this is the slice of heaven I found when I walked into the DMV in Hudson, New York…

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One person in line, and dear Mary, who patiently guided me through the paper work. I was in and out in 25 minutes, and it only took that long because I had to do one of the forms twice (pen explosion).

Mary handed over the plates, smiled and said, “Welcome to New York.”

New York State of mind

Diary entry, January 26, 2013: Wrote all morning then walked the dog. Freezing out, probably, like, 60. I think LA is getting colder in general. Lunch with Mark at the Country Mart. Warmed up enough that we could eat outside. I had the kale salad. Tasted like hay, but I have to keep the pounds off so I can keep wearing skinny clothes.  Afternoon tennis with Shawn.  Barbecue and mojitos on the patio with the Schnieders. I wonder if I’ll miss all this when we move to New York…

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Diary entry, January 26, 2014:  Spent all morning stacking firewood in the basement. Must  reduce crazy heating oil expenses. Need a wood burning furnace. Or one that runs on french fry oil. Is there such a thing? Dog refused to go outside.  The car needed a jump, and then Red Hook Hardware was all out of space heaters and fat wood. Are you kidding me!? For lunch I had  a reuben sandwich, potato chips, soup, an apple smeared with almond butter and three oat cookies. Fuck it. Winter clothes/obesity. What’s the difference?  I wonder if Sharper Image makes fleece gloves that I can wear while typing. Tweaked my back trying to pick-ax a deer turd that was frozen to the front walk.  Maybe I should grow a really huge beard.

Poser No More

During our move from LA to rural NY, I told my wife that I planned to country-accessorize immediately upon arrival.  I would own outdoor animals. I would buy farm equipment.  My clothing would be “Git er done” flannel and denim, and my hat would read “John Deere”.  Her response was, “Knock yourself out, poser.”

She had a point. I mean, how lame for an out-of-state urbanite to dress up all country local  without actually being country local. But today, as I was walking our dog across a barren cornfield, I found this little beauty, frozen in the snow…


And I really don’t think it would be right to wear it without a proper tractor underneath me.

My Chatty Friend

Sylvie and I have been alone together for a week, in the middle of nowhere New York, house-bound due to heavy snow, sub-zero temperatures and, today, freezing rain. This morning when I came down the stairs she gave me her “we need to talk” look…


Okay, I don’t speak dog, but she was probably saying one of three things, maybe all three: “Do the world a favor and shave.” “Are you what happens to people when they move from  Los Angeles to the arctic?”  “Force me to watch televised bowling again and I will end you.”

Group Sext

Unfortunately, my wife and I were not in the same country last night so we had to spend evening texting…

Anna: Happy New Year! xo

Sam: Happy New Year! I love you!

Anna: Wish we were ringing in a snowy new year together.

Sam: Me, too. xooxox

Henry: Could you guys take this elsewhere!

Anna: Oh, shit. We’re on group text.

Sam: Oops. Better ramp up the sexting on another channel.

Quinn: For the love of god!

Henry: Heading to roof for suicide attempt.